I finally finished my YouTube series on natal Mars last night (or today, technically, at 3am), and I’ve been reflecting on how my natal Mercury-Saturn opposition affected my ability to make those videos. I started the series last year, and didn’t finish until mid-way through this year. That’s a long freakin time to do a series of 14 videos…especially considering that when I first started this channel, I would record and upload a series of 12 videos in two days!
But that’s just half the story. Here is the behind-the-scenes story to my Mars series, which you will no doubt relate to if you have hard Mercury-Saturn aspect in your own chart. The truth is that I recorded the Mars series many times over, and just wasn’t happy with it. I did a full series recording last summer, then scrapped them all. I re-recorded and published Mars in Aries in November, then scrapped the rest of the videos. On the third try, I hated every single video and gave up YouTube for a couple months. On the fourth try, I managed to salvage everything through Mars in Libra (rejoice!) before deciding the rest were crap. After that? I went one video at a time, often recording them 4 or 5 times before deciding to publish. 😮
Does reading that make you mental? Welcome to my life! This is the process I have gone through for nearly everything I’ve written – and I’ve been avidly writing my whole life – including private journals that nobody else ever saw. I communicate, then critique immediately…there is no “brainstorming” stage in which to go hog wild! I have tried different methods learned while earning my degree for writing (like turning off the monitor and just typing a free-flow of thoughts), and I write poetry, but it always comes back to structure for me. And that’s Saturn, clamping down on creativity and quite frankly, self-esteem when it comes to communicating (Mercury).
Is this what having Mercury in Virgo feels like? Can anyone confirm? My mother has Mercury in Virgo conjunct Saturn, so I think seeing everything that’s wrong comes naturally to her, which must suck. But she is also a fountain of practical knowledge and sage advice. I have Mercury in Aries opposite Saturn in Libra, so I often project the Saturn side onto others (common with natal oppositions), and especially as a kid, I felt like people were pissing in my cornflakes all the time! But as the story above confirms, as an adult I have taken it upon myself to rain on my own parade.
Mercury-Saturn isn’t all that bad; I once had an astrologer tell me that it “gives my words power”. I definitely feel it has driven me to learn more and become more articulate, for fear that I sound like an idiot all the time. But most often I am stumbling over words in my head, sometimes literally stammering, or unable to find the right word and stalling for mental time with, “Umm, ahh, you know…” or the dreaded “like“! Six years of college and a degree in Communications, and I have to edit videos so you don’t hear the word “like” more than six times in 10 seconds. Thanks Saturn! 😦
Does anyone have it even worse than me…say, Mercury square Saturn (gasp!)? I can only imagine how hard that is! Or perhaps you have a soft, helpful sextile, or a gifted trine between Mercury and Saturn? It must be so nice to speak or write free of constant self-hatred! Let me know what your experiences are with Mercury-Saturn aspects, and what signs/houses you have them in.