I finally finished a YouTube series on natal Mars last night (or today, technically, at 3am), and have been reflecting on my natal Mercury-Saturn opposition, and how it affected my ability to make those videos. I started the series last year, and didn’t finish until mid-way through this year. That’s a long time to produce 14 videos…especially considering that when I first started this channel, I could record and upload a series of 12 videos in about two days.
The truth is, I recorded the Mars series many times over, and just wasn’t happy with it. I did a full series recording last summer, then scrapped them all. I re-recorded and published Mars in Aries in November, then deleted the rest of the videos. On the third try, I hated every video and took a YouTube hiatus for a couple months. On the fourth try, I managed to salvage everything through Mars in Libra (rejoice!) before deciding the rest wasn’t viable. After that, I went one video at a time, often recording them 4 or 5 times before deciding to publish.
Does that make you mental just to read? Well, this is often the process I go through for everything I write, as well – a lifelong hobby – including private journals that nobody else would ever see. This is Mercury in harsh aspect to Saturn: communicate, then critique immediately…there is no space for creative brainstorming without judgement. To be honest, I probably have it easier than most with harsh Mercury-Saturn aspects, because I don’t have a speech impediment or learning disability which is common. Another side-effect of these two planets in aspect is a tendency towards negativity, limited thinking, and passing judgment. I get a bit of a pass again, because Jupiter is conjunct my Saturn, lessening the effect.
On the positive side, Saturn lends structure and control to Mercury; an astrologer once told me the opposition gives my words power. I don’t know how powerfully my words come across, but the aspect has certainly driven me to learn more and become more articulate, mainly out of fear of ridicule (that’s Saturn clamping down). I still often stumble over my words both in my head and aloud, and have trouble speaking smoothly without pausing or saying “um, ah, like…” and I have a college degree in communications. Yikes!
Natal Mercury-Saturn trines and sextiles are much more smooth and lend power in a harmonious, opportunistic way. However because structure and discipline come easily to these natives, they will ultimately accomplish less than the folks with the squares and oppositions. As I said above, I have worked very hard on nearly every piece of communication I put out, including this blog. I regularly re-write articles to make them more clear, concise, and helpful to the reader (I also do it out of self-judgment). It will be a lifelong process, but I hope to feel accomplished at it when I look back.